08.31.2020
That’s the day I sat in my hotel room, 7 hours away from home, all by myself, and laid all of my heart out to the Lord. I mean all of it. Ugly cry and all.
I released so much baggage and worry and burdens and junk that was just weighing me down. And most of it I had no control over! I just felt whatever need to pick it up and carry it around everywhere I went. Maybe I needed a friend? Kidding!
I was just so burdened, tired, exhausted, and at the end of my ropes with so much. Life, family, work, relationships, lack of relationships, being single, debt. Can I be real with you, today?
I didn’t realize how much “junk” I was carrying around. Things and people from my past, and present, that I thought I had already released and let go of. There was still a little residue, and there may be more, I’m not sure. But I do know and trust that the Lord will reveal it to me in it’s due timing.
We carry so much and hold on to so many things, words, hurts, actions, lack of words and actions, behaviors, regrets, memories, failures, and everything in between. We lug it around and it’s not even ours to carry! We are told to lay it at the feet of Jesus and He will give us rest and freedom (Matt. 11:28; Gal.5.1).
The things we do when we are all alone…
I noticed about the second day of my week’s stay that there were mirrors everywhere! Like pretty much all the walls were lined in mirrors. I mean, if you were with someone you couldn’t hide anything you were doing, there were that many!
I found myself doing this random thing that I do with the kids where we look at each other with a goofy smile on our face and wave. Yes, I was doing that to myself in the mirror, I mean who else was I supposed to wave at? Weird habit, I know. But the Lord uses everything, right?
There are moments when there are no words to describe what you are experiencing.
It was that night that I was sitting on the couch working on my blog and I turned and seen myself in the mirror, again. But I didn’t see Jessica, like yes, it was me, but I seriously looked different, y’all! Like the same features, I didn’t undergo any surgery or beauty makeover while away, or I guess this could have been that. I don’t know, but I was just different!
I’ll try to explain. The Jessica I saw was grown, matured, and was just… different! Like I saw myself as a totally different person. I mean, I don’t know if I have any words to describe it.
I guess I can explain it as I was actually forced to look at Jessica, to take a long pause in the mirror, something that I never really do. I had to look at myself. I actually noticed myself.
Now this is not in a conceited way. Honestly, it was kind of a scary and awkward way. But I had to focus on me. There was no one else around to focus on. Which is what I normally do… focus on everyone and everything around me, but me.
When we take a moment and pause, we notice there is like a whole other us that we have been blinded to.
Maybe I had been seeing the confused Jessica. The one trying to heal, trying to figure life out, trying to decide what to do next, and trying to do everything in her power to please everyone around her.
I realized I have only focused on the weight I have gained, the blemishes on my face, my cubby cheeks, and my double chin. On how I wish I had the will power, motivation, and determination to get back in shape like I was before I went through a devastating loss.
Honestly, I was seeing the broken me. The one still trying to fit in, trying to figure out who I really am, what I like, and the one always trying to control every situation. The one keeping my guard up so I know that no-one could hurt me or get close to trying.
I guess that even though I knew I was a child of God, I wasn’t fully embracing and walking in it. I still let doubt, fear, insecurities, lies, wounds, words, self-image, and all the other things define me.
A changed perspective can lead to a changed life!
When I looked in that mirror, a shift took place on the inside of me!
I didn’t see a broken, insecure, stressed out, over weight, quiet, shy, and timid control freak.
I saw a bold, determined, grown, healed, courageous, unapologetic, fierce, passionate, confident, progressing, strong, joyful, intelligent, beautiful, loud and proud warrior and Woman of God!
I didn’t see my scars and fractures, my failures, or let downs. I didn’t see my set backs or hold ups. I didn’t see any of that!
I saw endless possibilities, so much love to give that I can’t contain it. A deep care for other’s and their eternity and hope found in Jesus Christ. I saw a fire on the inside that will never be put out! I saw purpose about to come forth. I saw a release of freedom and a new boldness coming forth!
I SAW MYSELF THROUGH MY HEAVENLY FATHER’S EYES!!!
Y’all! It was so beautiful and so overwhelming that I could not contain myself. He is so, so good! He gives beauty for ashes and joy for sorrow (Isa. 61:3)!
Now, am I being cocky? No! Am I perfect now? No – but I am forever progressing! Will I never experience any doubt, fear, insecurities, or other negative things in life again? Of course I will!
And when I do, I will remember who I saw in the mirror that day when Jesus gave me His eyes in that moment! I am not perfect and am far from it. I am, however continuously progressing to grow more in Him and like Him.
You are a priority just the same as everyone else around you!
I felt a little selfish taking a week away and going on vacation by myself, I really did. My inner being just kept saying you have to, it’s necessary. You need this and, yes, you deserve it.
My plans were to relax and just encounter the Lord, and that is what I did. I needed it, it was necessary. I needed to self reflect, release, and go deeper with and in Him. I needed to see Jessica with new eyes. I needed intense prayer time and direction in areas of my life. I needed to just sit and listen and watch the ocean and be reminded of how creative and beautiful He is.
I mean, if God put that much work into a static, beautiful creation to calm and bless His people, how much more work and passion did He put into making us, His children? The ones that would move about this earth to bring calmness, peace, hope, love, and blessings to others and to build His kingdom!
Y’all! He is so, so good!
Take a look in the mirror with your Heavenly Father’s eyes and see the beautiful and wonderful creation that He has made you to be (Ps. 139:14), the plans He has for your life (Jer. 29:11), and how much He loves you (John 3:16).
Be Blessed!
Have you seen yourself through the Father’s eyes? If so, share your experience with me here!
Who is this Jessica B.?
How We Know That We Are Hand Picked Perfection
The Thief of Comparison
Your true breakthrough is hidden in your inner healing!
God is good. Allelulia! Every now and then, it’s important for us to take time for self reflection.
Yes, yes He is, all the time!! It is very important and a must!
Great self reflection and growth available for all here!
I believe that we should all self reflect and take time for ourselves, for us and the ones around us!
What a powerful shift for you! I try to get away at least once a year for reflection and connection. It’s so good to do so.
Very powerful!!! It is the best thing ever, I am actually on my annual reflection trip now! Very much needed!
I love the idea that a changed perspective can lead to a changed life.
It is very true, if we are willing to accept and live it out!
Beautiful and transformative!
Maya, thank you!!
Time alone to clear ones head & get back to us, so so important. It’s so easy to get clouded by life and to lose sight. Thanks for the reminder ☺️
Keirsten, it really is and I am so glad that I have found that out sooner than later! We have to remember that we matter, too! You are welcome!
A changed perspective can lead to a changed life – Love this! For a while, I went through a point where i was surrounded by negativity. Thats all I saw, and thats all I felt. I had to work hard to break that cycle. Time alone definitely helps to recenter my thoughts.
Marianne, I have been right there with you! It is very hard when you are surrounded by constant negativity and when we get time alone it helps us recenter and train our thoughts and be better able to handle and deal with the negativity around us. It is a hard cycle to break, but it defiantly be done!
Alone time is great for self reflection, we need to take time to acknowledge our growth
Tiffany, yes it is!! We are always growing rather we realize it or not! It’s important for us to see it like others do!
Take a look in the mirror. Who is looking back at you? It’s the girl in the mirror. Who is she? Where did she come from? Where is she going? Who is with her? What does she believe about the girl looking at her? What has the world done to her? What does she choose?
Misskorang! Yes! All of this!! Questions we must ask and reflect on for sure!
What a beautiful perspective! I saw myself once through my Father’s eyes. I am a new Creation since then. Congratulations with the transformation!
It was so beautiful!! Yes, we are a New Creation in Him!! Thank you so much!
Needed this!!! Fully going through all of this right now. Thank you…
You are welcome, it is a hard, but necessary and beautiful season. Of course, anytime!
It is crazy that the moments we think are so hard turn to be learning opportunities for us. Like seeing yourself through gods eyes changes the perspective of what you thought. It is nice to have the encouragement to move forward.
Lisa, it really is! It is easy to forget how He sees us and made us and that He loves us no matter what!
It’s so important to be able to have time for ourselves. I find this especially true of women, who often are performing tasks even while at home. Great story. Thanks for sharing.
Stephanie, absolutely! We have to learn how to slow down and remember that we matter and need alone time, too. For our well being and the well being of others! Thank you!!
Getting off by ourselves is so important – it enables us to have these epiphanies, without all of our usual distractions.
This is why I enjoy solo travel! Highly recommended…
Suz, yes!! I have come to love solo travel as well and will be doing it more often for sure!
I think it’s beneficial for us to reflect on ourselves now and then, especially if we try to view ourselves from God’s perspective.
Tammy, this should always be our goal, to see ourselves through our Father’s eyes, but it is easy to forget. Thankful for His love and grace!
I dream of a week’s vacation all by myself. I carry the weight of my children’s traumas and it’s hard to break from the ministry of foster/adoptive parenting to just be me. I hear you and I have small times like this, but hope to have more in the near future.
Karla, it was something that I just had to do and I pray that you are able to get yours sooner than later! Bless you for blessing others and your sacrifice, you will be rewarded for sure!
Very inspiring read thank you! I think it is very important to self-reflect and slow things down. Very true as well that we don’t realize the weight we are carrying around with us. I was recently let go from my full time job in finance and I found that it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t realize how much that lifestyle was weighing on me and how I had lost myself along the way. I had been thinking about this even before I lost the job. I am finding myself grateful for more and much happier and relaxed than I have ever been!
Terra, you are welcome and thank you! Yes, we can hold on to things for too long and He has to just remove us so that He can speak to us and show us what He needs without all of the extra distractions going on! I am so glad you are happy and relaxed and having a changed mindset!
Sounds like a life changing moment. Glad you are feeling renewed!
Kristin, yes, life changing for sure! Thank you!
Sometimes a look in the mirror can remind us of the great potential we have.
Yes it can Megan, but we easily forget how simple and rewarding that can be!
You saw yourself the way God sees you. <3
Sometimes I think we are just way too hard on ourselves and can easily see the negative. God sees so much more. Thanks for the reminder!
I did, Alicia!!! It was amazing!
We are absolutely way too hard on ourselves and need to remind ourselves to give grace to us like we do others! So, so glad that He sees so much more! You are welcome!
This is a great quote A changed perspective can lead to a changed life! I love this! Great read!!
Sarah, it is defiantly one that I need to quote and remember more often! Thank you!
A changed perspective can lead to a changed life! I love this! Great read!!