Who is this Jessica B.?

I feel like I need to share a little background with you all so you know a little of where I have been and who I was to who I am today. I want to share some of the things the Lord has brought me out of and delivered me from in the last few years. How He has lead me to live, learn, and grow in my faith in Him!

Remember, I said that I am very open, real, vulnerable, and transparent in my sharing.

The photo below is the old Jessica. Yes, I drank that much.

I was the one who was wild and free. The one that didn’t seem to have a care in the world. The one up in the club, the preparty, the party, the after party, and the party after the after party, if there was one.

I loved my alcohol and it loved me. I was determined to always be the one to out drink anyone around. Funneling was my thing, even a fifth of liquor at times. You couldn’t stop me, I even dared you to try.

When I drank, I smoked. Only when I drank though. It started with New Port Menthols, then Black and Mild’s, and eventually led to weed, marijuana.

I don’t know why I did it. It was cool, it made me feel good. It calmed me. I only did it when I was around others who did it.

If not careful, slowly our habits become our lifestyle.

That was me from about 2003-2012. In 2012 I started getting a very strong conviction when I would drink or go places with the drinking/partying scene and environment. I obviously ignored it for a very long time because I continued to do it for a few more years, but it didn’t make the conviction any lighter. I knew it was wrong, I grew up in church hearing it was a sin all my life.

I continued to do it just to numb myself, to hide the feelings, and to lose focus on the issues that were right in front of me. To not deal with the fact that what I had pictured and planned my life to be was beyond repairing. To just join in and act like I was enjoying the ride and like I was good with it all.

In reality, I was just breaking myself more than I had already been broken by others. I continued to allow it. I stayed and continued living in my sin… until I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was done, suffocating, and couldn’t breathe from all that was going on. I had to get out, I had to make some changes.

A made-up mind can overcome anything.

I walked away from the life that I had know for 9 years and started over in 2013. I just left, turned from that life, and tried to focus on the Lord. I got back in church, was there almost every Sunday, but was still having a drink occasionally on the weekends. I did this for almost 4 years.

On October 1st, 2017 at a weekend women’s retreat, I fully surrendered and committed my life back to the Lord. Best thing that has happened to me, except for my salvation, of course. I renewed my mind and started thinking more like Christ (Rom. 12:2) and started following the lead of fellow believers and not those of the world (Col. 2:8). I was serious this time. I needed it, I was desperate.

It took some time. Releasing sin, soul ties, forgiveness, and seeing myself as others had seen me or how their actions made me see or feel about myself. To fully let down my guard and let the Lord in. To fully understand what I was feeling and what was about to happen. I changed my perspective, mindset, and heart posture.

There is always more, we just have to be willing to go after it!

I knew there was more, I could feel it trying to bust out of the inside of me. So, I prayed and asked others to pray for and with me…a lot! I watched other people, listened to them. It was making me hungry for what they had. I wanted it! I wanted that joy, peace, happiness, smile, confidence, and love that they had. What was it? How did they get it?

I slowly started getting it. They were praying, daily (Matt. 6:9-13), multiple times a day. They were praising and worshipping (Ps. 100), lifting their hands and voices (Ps. 28:2). They were kneeling down, honoring and surrendering themselves and their problems to the Lord. They were losing and binding (Matt. 16:19). They were being still (Ps. 46:10). They were in the Word (Josh. 1:8). They had a prayer language that seemed to change things (Rom. 8:26). They were serving and loving the Lord and others (1 Peter 4:10; Josh. 22:5). They were helping and being present. They had fellowship and did life together (.

They were doing it all for Him. It was Him; it was JESUS! He was at the source of it all. That’s what’s they had! They had Jesus, I did too, but they had more, they had an intimate relationship with Him… and I wanted it, badly!!!

If you want something bad enough you have to work for it!

So, I started praying more, reading, studying, praising and worshipping, lifting my hands and voice, even though it felt weird at first. I started talking to Him, not just praying to Him. I started to feel Him and His presence. I started serving, helping others, and just loving people more! I started taking classes to understand the Bible, His Word, and what this life and walk is really all about. I got connected and started to join in on the fellowship. I got my prayer language!

My life has changed, along with the way I see things and others. How I deal with things has changed. How I talk, walk, and respond has changed!

And now I have what they have. Now I know and get what it’s all about, WHO it’s all about!! And I want others to have and see and feel the same!!!

That is who is in this picture, it is the new and improved Jessica. The forgiven and set free Jessica.

The Jessica that is happy and full of love and peace. That is loved so big that she can’t contain it, by the Lord and others! The one that has surrendered her life and given it as a living sacrifice (Rom. 12:1) to the One who sacrificed His life for her (John 3:16). The one who, now, knows how to love. The one who prays more, reads, serves, leads fellowship, and worships and praises Him through it all.

The one that is not ashamed anymore and doesn’t care how people look at her or what they think of her. The one that is not bothered or moved by what they say about her love for Jesus. The one that is no longer holding back because of fear of others. But the one that is going full force to share and show His love to all she can. Because it’s not about her, at all. The one that knows that the next person’s eternity is just as important and is counting on it just like hers was!

This is how I want people to know me and see me. This is how I want to be remembered. I don’t want Jessica to be remembered, but only the God I love and serve. It is ALL about Him. May my life be a reflection of Him and His goodness.

Sometimes the only person holding us back is ourselves.

I’ll never go back!!!

Y’all!!! If He, Jesus, can save, restore, revive, and change the girl in the first photo and transform her into the girl in the second one…

He can do it for anybody, including YOU!!!

Will you let Him??

Some are curious, doubtful, and/or fearful, but what do you have to lose? I mean you have EVERYTHING to gain!

Let Him in, let Him do what you can’t and what you are longing to be done.

There is MORE, I promise!

What is missing in your life? What is that just one thing that will fulfill you, make it all better, complete it?

IT’S JESUS!!!

Ask Him and allow Him to come into your life and save you and be the Lord and Savior of your life. To change you from the inside out! To give and be all that you have been needing and searching for! He will meet you right now, right in this moment, right where you are reading this and will do what you ask Him to do. He is just waiting on you to ask and invite Him in!

Will you accept His invitation of salvation, healing, and restoration, today?

Share your transformation story with me here!

Be Blessed!